In the days after I was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes I struggled with how I should be feeling about this news. My doctor was clearly sad to bear such news to me, and perhaps a bit confused at my lighthearted reaction. The diagnosis came at the perfect time for me…I was in a frame of mind of appreciating my mobility more than I had ever before. The news woke me up and forced me to pay attention to what I was consuming.
Every person I shared the news with seemed to have the same (or very similar) reaction to the news, they were sorry for me.
I was not feeling sorry for myself, I was feeling like it was time to act and I was determined to avoid the trappings that often befall diabetes patients who don’t keep their blood sugar down. I was determined to keep my feet, my legs, and my eyesight.
Still, there was this niggle at the back of my mind. Should I be sad about this diagnosis? Am I being punished for not obeying what I believed was a clear instruction years ago to give up junk sugars and sodas except for special occasions? Was I being punished for the repeated failures to obey?
As I stood in the grocery store checkout line one evening, I noticed something. Silence.
For most of my adult life, a trip to the grocery store almost always included a sweet or savory treat (often both!) skillfully marketed to shoppers in their captive state of waiting in line to pay for their chosen food items. The “siren song” that I had almost always fallen prey to was no longer heard by my soul. The silence was so peaceful that I nearly cried.
In my heart I “heard” these words:
“This is not a punishment. This is a gift.”
God knew my heart. He knew I wanted to obey. He knew the struggle I was in. He knew how often I had failed. He knew I was trapped in an endless loop of cravings. He knew what I needed to be set free from that cycle. He provided the wake-up call and the tools I would need to finally obey. This diagnosis that most see as a curse was meant to be a blessing to me. It was what I needed to break free…and I am so very thankful.