This morning was full of confusion. Comical confusion.
And then it went deeper.
Oh Lord…what ARE You doing?
Last night I had stumbled upon a teacher that I had long ago stopped trying to find. She was/is a sweet lady who was always kind to me at a time in my life where there were so very few who fit that description. She had made an impact on my heart and I was so very grateful for the opportunity to say thank you to her for something she probably didn’t even remember.
Two teachers. There were TWO.
Two women whose smiling faces I would never forget. I asked her about the other one, and she helped me with details I’d need to reconnect on facebook.
So I reached out again.
This morning as the communications were happening between us, I couldn’t figure out why I had a key detail wrong in my memory of this second teacher. I searched out my yearbook from long ago (miraculous that I still have it considering all that has transpired in these last 30+years!). I discovered I had the wrong name connected to the face in my memory and, because of their proximity in the yearbook, thought I’d just mixed them up due to that fact.
Then a report card fell out of the book.
Stop laughing…yes I still have it! LOL!
I DID have this new friend as a teacher. An old memory flooded in swiftly.
My last day at this school. I was heartbroken that my bestest friend on the planet was absent that day, the only one I had trusted with the secret of where we were going as we prepared to run away from the only home I’d ever known, but one filled with turmoil and danger. An escape that was vital to our survival.
I had to take a paper around to all my teachers to get my current grades. I was so nervous, which is probably why the impact was so deep. Most teachers just filled in the information without too many questions. One, however, asked where we were going and before I thought twice about it, the answer popped out of my mouth, “Omaha, NE.”
“OMAHA?! Who goes to Omaha?!”
I don’t remember much after that except extreme fear and embarrassment. The kids within earshot may have laughed, I don’t remember clearly.
I do remember feeling ashamed that I had let this secret out and that it had been announced to the class (to be fair, that teacher didn’t know it was a secret.
She had no idea what was at stake nor could she have known
that I feared for my mother’s life if we’d been caught).
Maybe this memory is why her name was stuck in my brain.
I have no doubt that God had a plan for my mistake.
This morning as I faced the opportunity to forgive an old wound (one which, like the kindnesses remembered, was probably quite small in the eye of the other party, but huge from the perspective of this extreme introvert), I am once again struck with a feeling that God is continuing the process of healing my body and soul.
He keeps cleaning out my closets! LOL
While it was (and still is) important to me to go back and express my gratitude for kindnesses shown by those who were not really required to be kind…my Father God is making it clear that it is equally, if not more, important to go back and extend grace and forgiveness for old hurts.
Our Creator God is all about reconciliation.
He is so smart! :)
On the way to school this morning, a song titled “My Story” (sung by Big Daddy Weave) came on the radio that fit perfectly into this emotional morning.
Tears flowed as I drove.
My heart was/is so overwhelmed with gratefulness.
He is not finished with me yet.
Click here to see the video/hear the song "My Story"
“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar
and there remember that your brother has something against you,
leave your gift there in front of the altar.
First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.”
Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.