One Angry Mom
originally written 5 Nov 03
added to webpage 12 Nov 03
edited/fine-tuned 24 Nov 10
 I am livid!
I have been hearing people say things about teens having sex
and about the need to educate them to have “safe sex”
so they won’t get disease or so that pregnancy won’t become an issue.
I have been educated myself about some of the issues and what I have learned has horrified, shocked and angered me.

    Recently I have learned of a girl in my son’s school,
in my son’s grade, who has already had to have a pregnancy test.
You cannot imagine my horror. Not just that sex is occurring,
but these kids are only in sixth grade!!
My son has been frustrated for a while now, I think it began last year,
with the talk of his peers.  This year the subject matter has become increasingly more sexual (talk of who has done “it” and who hasn’t yet is one example).  A bit more than talking is going on, obviously.
Now, I do not know who this girl is or what grade level the boy is who has been having sex with her.  I don’t need to know nor do I want to know.
But the fact that children this young are “playing with fire” terrifies me as a mom.  Our culture is becoming increasingly more sexualized and it’s a very naïve thought indeed that this will not filter down into younger generations.  “No harm will be done” is an outright lie.

    I have recently watched a video presentation by Pam Stenzel.
It’s called “Sex Has a Price Tag” and is a very well presented talk about sex and potential consequences of having sex outside of marriage.
After viewing it, however, I was mortified at the statistics she gives of sexually transmitted diseases…the number of those known and the chances of a sexually active teen contracting disease.
It boggles my mind even as I type the word teen…it’s not just teens who are experimenting.  Children are learning to play a “game” that could have lifetime consequences and they simply have no clue.
All they hear are the lies our promiscuous culture keeps feeding them.
“Safe sex”, we are told, means wearing a condom.
What about the STDs that do not require intercourse for transmission?
There are some that only need genital contact.
Some of these are lifelong diseases that once they have contracted
they will NEVER be able to get rid of them.
Pam makes a very good point that pregnancy is survivable, some of these STDs are not.  Yet, we never hear this from the media or culture.
Sex is treated so lightly, like it’s just a form of meaningless recreation.
There are moral issues that are important to me and that is why I always planned to teach my children the importance of abstinence until marriage.  After learning the statistics, though, abstinence is even more important to me.  Even if you put moral issues aside…
it’s now a matter of life and death for our children.
I am deeply angry because I feel lied to…that we have a nation of children and parents who are being consistently fed lies that will someday potentially carry an extremely high price tag.  Someone said to me that it is still better for teens to be educated to use condoms because some chance of protection is better than none.  I have given this much thought and I can kind of see what she was trying to say.  But, think of this…if you were in an airplane with your child and a group of other people and everyone has parachutes and are being instructed to jump…only you are then told that a small number of the parachutes will not work. It is unknown which parachutes are good and which are bad.
Which one of us would allow our child to jump out of that airplane?
I daresay not a one of us would take such an enormous and obvious risk.

    So what about the self control issue?
Many people feel it is best to teach teens to use “protection”
if they’re gonna have sex because “everyone is doing it”
and they probably won’t be able to control their physical urges.
“It’s hormones and there is nothing they can do to stop it.”
I say BALONEY!
That’s an outright lie that we have been fed for years and years.
What about anger?
Teens also struggle with anger issues as well but
should we allow them to fully vent their anger on
whomever and whenever they feel like it?
No.  This is socially unacceptable.
Why can we expect one aspect of hormone changes
to be controlled and another not to?
It’s all a process of learning self-control and I say it’s better to learn it while the youth are still at home rather than
struggling to learn it once they are out of their safe haven.
Teach our children that it’s okay to have sexual urges…
that it’s normal…everyone has to deal with these things…
but teach them that they can be controlled.
There are ways to avoid losing control in this area.
We are responsible to teach our children these things.
I recently learned of some parents teaching their children
to look at people from the "neck up" only.
That when they see a person
(in person or a photo or advertisement or whatever)
who is dressed provocatively they will say the key words,
"neck up," to each other to remind them where to keep their focus.
I like that.  : )
I also heard of some men's accountability groups using the term "bounce"
to describe the process of shifting their eyes
off something that may cause them to stumble.
Instead of staring at a sight that may cause some mind-wandering
into unhealthy areas of thought, they "bounce" their eyes
to another direction before their thoughts get out of control.
Provocative and sexually stimulating images bombard us daily.
We must learn how to control our own eyes and minds
and train our children to do the same.
Many people believe that it doesn't matter what we think in our minds
as long as we don't actually do anything physical...
but God says something different about that too:

"You have heard that it was said, 'You shall not commit adultery'; but I say to you, that everyone who looks on a woman to lust for her has committed adultery with her already in his heart." 
(message spoken by Christ...Matthew 5:27-28) 

Clearly, we ARE held responsible for what we allow our minds to dwell on.  

  Sex is beautiful…God designed it…
it has safe parameters that we are not generally taught.
It is not “dirty” or wrong to have sex…
what matters is who you are doing “it” with and when.
If you are unmarried…this is not an activity you should be participating in.
If you are married and the person you are having sex with is not your husband/wife…there is no doubt this is wrong too.
If you are married…go for it!  LOL!
Our children are not stupid.
They have more intelligence than the neighborhood cat or dog
and can understand these concepts if they are just taught them!
Instead, we have a society feeding them lies that sex cannot be controlled and that it's acceptable and expected for them to fail.  

    There is a story of a boy who was being attacked by an alligator.
The gator had one of the boy’s legs and the boy’s mother
had a firm hold on his arms, trying to pull him to safety.
A desperate struggle ensued but the mother finally pulled him free.
As the boy is in the hospital recovering from his injuries,
he is asked about his wounds.
He pulls up his pant leg to reveal the horrible gashes in his leg from the gator’s teeth.  Then he says to them, “But look at these!” as he pulls up his sleeves, revealing gashes in his arms from his mother’s fingernails.
“I know my mom loves me because she wouldn’t let me go!”
This story has never failed to bring me to tears.
I cannot even type it now without crying!
We are in a struggle for the very lives of our children...
a real-life tug-of-war with a culture that does not love them. 
I know I may face some fierce battles with my children when the preteen/teen years hit but I refuse to let them go without a fight.
Not down a road that could be a DEAD end.
Because I love them, there will be “claw marks.”
I love them too much to allow them to fall for the lies
spewed by people who don’t know what true love is.
I know I cannot make these decisions for them but I can make sure they know exactly what the potential consequences are.  I can make sure they know the truth…what they do with that knowledge is up to them.  I feel we don’t give children enough credit for their decision making abilities.  We expect them to fail in this area.  This should not be the case any more than we would expect them to fail in any other areas like academics, sports, or what have you.  We, as parents, need to encourage them to do their best and make sure they feel loved and supported.  The “game” of sex has changed and is significantly more risky than when we were growing up.  The prices are too high to pay…it’s past time to learn (and teach) a different way.
We have that responsibility and we must meet it.
Would we allow our toddlers to play in the highway
because it’s what they desire to do…
do we tell them,”okay, as long as
you have your helmet and knee pads on to protect you”?
No…that’s ludicrous and we all know it.
Why then, is it acceptable to give our teens condoms so they can have “safe sex” whenever they desire it when we KNOW that it will not provide real protection from viruses that can make them sterile,
increase the risk of cervical cancer
(for our daughters or potential future daughters-in-law),
or even kill them?
Not this mom…not this angry mom!

  Some will hear my message and scoff.
Other will hear and heed the warning.
For those who heed, I will press on.
If it is only one life that is not destroyed by disease or emotional baggage, then all will be worth it.
For those who scoff...let them.
Statistics alone show that this is a very dangerous "game" indeed.
The Word of God is my foundation.
The Lord is my Rock...
His boundaries for His creation are set
not to "spoil our fun" but to protect us.
It's obvious in this arena what we are being protected from
when we follow His plan.
I will trust His ways and pray that those who seek the truth will find it.
~~Shirley

Sex is a choice.
Be Informed.
(brochure infromation about STDs and teen pregnancy from Pam Stenzel)

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photo by: Shirley/St Louis/July 2004