For too long have you been missing. Long have I searched for you…long have I mourned your disappearance. My heart is renewed...refreshed at the realization that I have finally found you again.
Many years I have wondered “where did that girl go that I used to be?” I spent many days and nights confused about what has happened to me. How did my joy seep away? Oh, there were days when I would glimpse the same joy I used to feel…but it wasn’t the same. Not at all the same joy that soaked me through to the bone…through to the very depths of my heart.
Recently I faced a struggle in my soul. I cried out to the Lord to heal me…to show me where I have gone wrong…where did I make a wrong turn? I cried out to Him to show me…to give me eyes to see how I can be like Him. “Lord please help me!! I want to be like Jesus! I want to feel the radiating joy that used to power my soul.” Where did that girl go who was sold out to the Lord? Where did she go who walked through life seemingly unscathed by the world’s evil tries to suck the joy out of her life? How did she disappear?
Through many tears, prayer & fasting, I could see where little compromises of my covenant with Christ had devastating effects on my heart. Over the years there were many times I followed others in sin because I was afraid of being rejected by them. Because I was afraid of making someone angry. Little was I aware that my soul was being assaulted with each agreement I made that went against what my Lord wanted for me.
Last night I went to bed with a broken heart. I knew God still loved me, but I also knew I had broken the most important covenant I have ever made and will ever make. I pleaded for forgiveness, finally being awake to the plight of my heart, of my very soul. This morning I awoke as a dead person who was coming to life again. I felt RESTORED. As I began my day with praise and thanksgiving I walked into someone I had not seen for so very long. I realized that the girl I had searched for, longed for and mourned over, had returned!